It’s been said before, we humans are creatures of habit. Human experience of sex is certainly not immune to it. Have you ever seen someone who is having amazing and fulfilling sex dragging their feet through life in complaint? There’s something magical about a deeply fulfilling sex life.
Making positive change to your sex life is a sure way to improve your life in general. But then there’s that word – change. There’s a misconception that change is hard or difficult. What if you considered change to be exciting and adventurous? Yes, adventures can be hard and difficult, but they don’t need to be in a worrisome defeated way. The excitement quickly washes this away and spurs us on to discover the next treasures along the way.
How much sex is happening on the planet without much consideration to why we are having it? Why we are having it in that moment in that place? Why are we having it with this person or with self? The quick answers to these questions might be for love, convenience, the place was comfortable or added excitement, to feel connection and pleasure, or to release tension. What if we considered our reasons with more depth? Like, how is this serving me, my lover, my community, the planet? What personal needs are being met?
There’s nothing wrong with being caught up in a passionate moment, oblivious to where things may lead – it can be absolute bliss surrendering to this. However, if we are coming from a place of habit or the intentions are more ambiguous than you’d like them to be, this can lead to ordinary experiences of sex or worse, complete misunderstandings. You might say, “Well, even ordinary sex is good, what’s the big deal?” It can be true that even ordinary sex is pretty damn good, even if you are mindful of the things that support out-of-this-world sexual experiences that I wrote about in the last blog. Exploring our intentions with more depth can really enrich our sexual experiences.
There are many reasons for people to desire sex. They can include pleasure, connection, stress relief, love and intimacy, for fun and play, to explore themselves and others, excitement and adventure, and attraction. There are many reasons. Most of the time we stumble about in sexual relating with what ever mood takes our fancy, and for the most part it is beautiful and wonderful, sometimes even mind-blowing. It is in this stumbling that habitual ways of sexual relating creep in and remain. Sex is good but deep within you know there is more.You’ve had glimpses of potential and the experience of long, lingering deep fulfillment and gratitude for life in the afterglow. How do we get more of a taste of this?
It can make all the difference to come into a sexual experience with conscious intentions. These intentions are not complicated … The simpler the better, and easier to hold consciously throughout the experience. They might be intentions to feel more pleasure in new or particular ways; to explore new sexual expressions; to connect with nature; to let go of old conditioned ways and relationship pain; to experience ecstatic revelations; to feel abundance of love or to conceive a new being on the planet.
There are an infinite number of wonderful intentions possible. Consciously holding intentions that arise deep within enable a more fulfilling sex life, and this flows on to all areas of life, trust me. Money may not be able to give you happiness but a great sex life can. These mindful intentions combined with the embodiment of sexual experience are a powerful way to make all manner of changes in our life
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To keep things simple, and if this is a new idea to you, let’s just look at changing something in the context of your sex life.
A great way to start is to take several conscious breaths, exhaling a little longer than your in-breaths. Scan your body for any tensions and try to relax, letting go of any thoughts of the day…. Let yourself become present to your body and your inner world….. When you are ready, allow a focus to come to you around your sex life without judgement. Allow it to form, change and become clear. Feel where it sits in your body. Maybe it encompasses your whole body or is in a specific place in your body. Remember not to make judgement, even if it feels uncomfortable. Try to allow a clear intention come to you that would assist you in making a change…… It doesn’t need to be a mammoth thing. It’s better actually, if it’s not. …. Allow the clarity to come. If it feels too big, be curious about what a smaller intention toward the bigger vision might be.
Clarity and intention work together potently. If you are with another, share your intentions together. Really listen and hold each other with warmth and innocence. See where there may be synergy, or who’s intention feels the most alive. Once you have committed to an intention for a sexual experience, be sure to share it clearly just before making contact with each other. Hold this intention warmly in your hearts. Approach each other slowly and allow the experience to begin to unfold without forcing it. Surrender to the experience until it is almost as if the intention itself is doing and directing the interactions. If pleasure and orgasm begins to build, be mindful to integrate your intention and embody it into your experience. Be mindful too, if habitual ways of touching and interacting are taking you away from the intentions. Take a small risk to do something different and aligned with the intention.
Playing, healing and connecting sexually with conscious intention is a way to open doorways to new ways of being and discovering new things about ourselves. With clear intentions, we enable a higher potential and increase the potency of our sexual experiences. With practice we become more open to these experiences, our lives become richer, and we become more open and authentic, leading to a more fulfilling sense of place on the planet.
Artwork: Josephine Wall